Valentine's Day can often be quite stressful. Did he send a card? Did you book the restaurant? Should you go out or stay in? Aside from the commercial aspects of Valentine's Day it is a good time to reaffirm the important relationship in your life.
Here are some tips from Dr Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight on how to strengthen your relationship:
- Recap and reflect on the danger points in your relationship where you slide into insecurity. This will allow you to work out ways to maintain a strong connection.
- Celebrate the positive moments, big and small. Reflect on those moments in your daily life that foster openness and responsiveness to reinforce your understanding of the positive impact that you have on each other.
- Plan rituals around the moments of separation and reunion in your daily lives, such as making sure you kiss each other goodbye in the morning. These rituals are a way of holding your relationship safe in a distracting and chaotic world.
- Remember what you and your partner have built and are continuing to build through a loving bond. This helps you to understand how you get stuck in conflict and distance and how you can learn to repair rifts and forgive hurts.
- Imagine what you want your bond to look like five or ten years down the road and how you would like your partner's help in making the vision a reality.
Dr Sue Johnson is the poineer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), which has an astounding 75 per cent success rate and she trains therapists all over the world in EFT. Here is Sue talking about what inspired her to start working with couples.
I have always been fascinated by relationships. I grew up in Britain, where my dad ran a pub, and I spent a lot of time watching people meeting, talking, drinking, brawling, dancing, flirting. But the focal point of my young life was my parents' marriage. I watched helplessly as they destroyed their marriage and themselves. Still, I knew they loved each other deeply. In my father's last days, he wept raw tears for my mother although they had been separated for more than twenty years.
My response to my parents' pain was to vow never to get married. Romantic love was, I decided, an illusion and a trap. I was better off on my own, free and unfettered. But then, of course, I fell in love and married. Love pulled me in even as I pushed it away.
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