Find love this Valentine's day by following The New Rules

Find love this Valentine's day by following The New Rules

Posted by in Book Extracts, News, Non-Fiction, Recommended Reading

Are you off on a date with your Valentine tonight? If you want it to go well, follow these two crucial pieces of advice from The New Rules:

1. Don’t get wasted on dates or at parties, so you don’t say or do anything you’ll regret

Alcohol takes away inhibitions and gets a conversation going. We get it. We think it’s great if you can have a drink or two and act Rules-y. But if you can’t drink without embarrassing yourself and/or starting a fight with a guy, then drinking may not be for you.

Heavy drinking and dating do not mix. When you are under the influence of alcohol, you end up making bad decisions you wouldn’t make otherwise, like saying yes to booty calls, ex-boyfriends, and even married men. You might sleep with a guy you just met because the part of your brain that says ‘This is not a good idea’ doesn’t work when you have had too much to drink. We have spoken to dozens of women who have said that alcohol has ruined their dating lives. Obviously, it is almost impossible to do The Rules when your boundaries become blurry or non-existent. Instead of keeping the date light and breezy, you are spilling your guts because you are intoxicated. Instead of talking about work or films on the first date, you are leaning over to kiss a guy and telling him you really like him. When you are drinking too much, you definitely forget to look at your watch and nonchalantly end the date first after two hours. After too many glasses of wine on your first or second date, you may have told him your whole life story, including why your ex-boyfriend dumped you. There’s nothing worse than the feeling when you sober up hours later and can’t believe what you said – or did! Girls who get embarrassingly drunk don’t usually hear from guys again, except for 2 a.m. booty calls, even if it was their first time acting that way. A guy will assume that what you do with him, you do with everyone else. We polled guys of all ages and they all said that girls who get drunk are a big turnoff.

We understand that you want to let loose and have fun, but there is nothing fun about blacking out and hooking up. If you can’t drink like a lady, then order a tonic or sparkling water. If you can’t drink and do The Rules, then don’t drink at all!

2. Don’t pay for dinner or buy his love in any way

Women who do too much or give too much in relationships are the subject of entire self-help books. We will save you the trouble of reading them by telling you that if you have to do more than agree to go on dates for a guy to like you, then you are doing too much!

It’s desperate and not The Rules to meet him halfway for a date, pay for dinner, take him on vacation, or buy his love in any way. Buying him gifts and splitting the cost of trips are both ‘nice’ ways women try to ingratiate themselves with men, but it just won’t make a guy love them! Women who overdo it are spoiling guys, but we know that guys really desire women who don’t try hard at all. Worse, though, it’s manipulative – you are trying to make it easy for him to be with you. A Rules Girl doesn’t have to give a guy a reason to be with her by ‘roping him in’ with her credit card. She is the reason!

When you give too much in the beginning of a relationship, a guy will sense it and lose interest. It is another way in which you become the pursuer and it becomes obvious that you like him. In addition, guys have pride and don’t want to be supported, even if they initially go along with a woman’s generosity.

It’s no secret that some women today are out-earning the men they are dating. Some of these women think nothing of using their money and influence to keep a guy interested. Not a good idea! The only way to know if he really likes you is to give him nothing.

Nothing means not paying for things or doing him favours. If the guy you are dating says he doesn’t have the money to take you out for nice dinners, say, ‘That’s okay!’ He can take you somewhere inexpensive or come up with another creative idea. Do not respond by offering to pay. If he asks to borrow money so he can do nice things for you, just tell him you don’t have it.

If you have been dating exclusively for long time, you can pay for little things here and there. For example, if your boyfriend is taking you to dinner and the theatre, you can buy him drinks or take him somewhere nice for dessert. If he is ill, you can bring him chicken soup in bed and bring him a variety of cold medicines. But for regular Saturday night dinner dates, he should be picking up the tab.

Remember: a Rules Girl doesn’t have to buy a guy’s love or attention. If you are doing more than going on dates and being a Creature Unlike Any Other, then you are doing too much!

The New Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider is available in paperback and as an e-book from all good booksellers now. Find out more here or join the conversation online using #TheNEWRules.

‘packed with essential and painful reminders of what not to do!’**** Star magazine

‘we’ve . . . hidden it inside a clever-looking book and have consulted it 15 times a day' Heat

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